If you’ve talked to me any time lately you know we are in the process of moving. It's a big deal. After 23 years we are leaving the suburbs and moving an hour’s drive north to a smaller, less hectic town and (hopefully less hectic as well) lifestyle. My box packing machine of a wife Michelle aptly says in this case we are a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll...
Anyone who has been through a move recently can attest that, in this day and age especially, it is not exactly a pleasant experience, especially after so many years in one place. Even though the end result is exciting, new and fun to think about, in this case almost every aspect has had some part of it that turned out to be the exact opposite of fun. The mortgage process with all of today’s checks and balances has been (I’m being diplomatic here) particularly frustrating. The sorting and purging of huge amounts of all your stuff only to find there are still a seemingly infinite amount of possessions still left to box up and move. Each of these could be a blog entry in itself, but in this case I’m focusing on something that happened fairly early on that has rippled through this whole process like a huge boulder dropped in a mirror calm pool of water. I’m talking about the process of getting your home inspected. This week’s entry is a love letter to the guy that inspected my house...
Dear Mr. Home Inspector,
I call foul and I hope you realize the gravity of your mistake. Do you realize that by the wording of what you say or don’t say in your inspection report you could have the sale of two or even three houses and their associated family's lives hanging in the balance? Do you take this seriously?? If nothing else your words dictate whether large sums of money should be spent to fix what you say is wrong. In this case over $1500 will be spent due to your professional opinion because we want our buyers to be comfortable with the house they are buying. I should trust you because you have an alphabet jumble of all these accreditation letters next to your name on your business card?
FROM YOUR REPORT: WHAT YOU SAW WHEN YOU STUCK YOUR HEAD INTO THE ATTIC...
It seems to me you should have seen the insulated vent pipe in the attic that you said wasn’t there, referring to as being lacking and chastising me for the lack thereof throughout the rest of your home inspection summary. All you would've had to do was actually go into the attic instead of a cursory sticking of your head up there, instead of focusing on what was easy to see---old remnants of silver duct work up there from days gone by. The lack of a vent pipe that made you admonish me for not having proper attic ventilation time and time again in your report. The lack of a vent pipe that the young family who is buying our house reads about in your report and understandably is concerned about out of concern for their little kids. The lack of a vent pipe that you said allowed ‘microbial growth’ or (dare we say it?) 'mold' to grow unbeknownst to us in our attic. Yes...the vent pipe that was there all along, quietly doing what it was supposed to—venting the sometimes moist air from the bathrooms in the house outside and keeping moisture out of my attic. Your report is filled with your speculations but nothing that back them up. But you said the attic was improperly vented and since you said it I should believe you, and furthermore, pay someone lots of money to "remediate" it. After all there are all these signs of moisture. Just look at all the pictures you took to rub it in. You can sure tell if something is wet from a picture. Do you get a cut from all the various remediation specialists that have to come and eradicate whatever you may say is wrong with a house?
NOT PART OF YOUR REPORT: WHAT YOU MISSED THAT WAS THERE ALL ALONG...INSULATED VENT PIPE.
Did it ever occur to you that the signs you saw and interpreted so swiftly could have been ancient history, like a fossil begging you to peel off the layers and interpret the correct story of its life long ago? Could it be that we recognized exactly what you are accusing us of not doing long ago and took careful and appropriate steps to attempt to make it go away? Could you admit you're dead wrong on this point? Or a couple other areas that I'm not even mentioning here? Probably not, you've moved on to bequeath your hallowed opinion on some other unsuspecting homeowner.